Workplace stress and workplace grace are usually not found in the same room!
According to the CDC, “Whether you are going into work or working from home, the COVID-19 pandemic has probably changed the way you work.”
Our brain does NOT like change; it does NOT like the unknown. COVID-19 has brought and continues to bring more change and more unknowns. You might feel as though you have lost your footing and the world as you knew it is terribly shaky. Worse yet, people tell you “back to normal” is never going to happen. Consequently, your stress might be so overwhelming that it is prompting poor behavior on your part and moving you toward burnout and potential shutdown. There is nothing graceful about your behavior or your interactions with others.
So how can we move from workplace stress to workplace grace?
By understanding what you need to feel stable! By stable, I mean psychologically safe to be able to think, create, and relate positively with others. It means getting up gracefully when you fall into unpleasant behavioral patterns due to stress. It means offering a bit of grace to others who are struggling in this pandemic sea of stress.
To explain the idea of psychological stability let’s look at the water fun activity of paddleboarding. A couple of years ago some Master Swim friends and I thought it would be fun to try our hand at it. We rented some boards and ventured out on Lake Minnetonka on a warm summer night. For those of you not from Minnesota, Lake Minnetonka is the place to be in the summer. That means plenty of boats. Plenty of BIG boats. Plenty of BIG waves. I thought I was going to die even though I am extremely comfortable in the water!
Okay, “I am going to die” might be an exaggeration. But when you are under stress, it can certainly feel that way sometimes. This year I tried again to conquer paddle boarding. I was smart enough to practice on a much calmer day, on a much calmer lake. I LOVED it. In fact, paddling around my little bay on Girl Lake, I am often stopped by other water adventurers and get the comment, “Wow, you’re really good at that!” I feel a little silly when they call it out. It now seems so easy.
That was until a couple of weeks ago when I got surprised by a boat speeding across the bay. I fell flat on my face! I lost solid footing when the waves came up behind me. I was so embarrassed and so angry at that boat driver.
And that is so often how it works with change and the stress of change. We are going on our merry way, happily doing what we do best. We have arranged everything in such a way as to feel we are on solid ground, and then we get surprised! We get knocked off our game. And I don’t know about you, but when I get that comment, that text, or that email that knocks me off my game, I fall emotionally. I often start playing defense. It couldn’t be ME. It has to be someone else’s fault. I move to blame and shame. In the paddleboard face plant, I blamed the boat driver. At least for a minute or two.
At work, we all have various requirements that help us feel secure and safe. I have learned to go out paddle boarding when it is calmer, with fewer boats and less wind. I have a whistle in case I get into trouble and a bungee cord to keep the board with me in case I am knocked off the board. Most likely you have parallel strategies in your workplace so you feel calm. Often unknowingly, you structure your days, organize your work projects, even decorate and arrange the furniture in your office to foster your psychological safety. All are done to help you feel grounded. That is why moving to a new job can be so difficult. It is why any change can be difficult. It is causing disruption, and when there is disruption, it might be hard to get your needs met.
When it’s windy with big boat wakes, it’s hard to feel stable on a paddleboard. After my fall, I needed a little bit of time to recover, just a few minutes to gain composure. And then I was ready to stand back up and paddle around the bay. Even before I got home I was laughing at myself. Without knowing what I needed to feel solid on my paddleboard, I might have sat down, sulked, and quickly paddled home while sitting. Because I knew what I needed to stand back up, I could recover much faster and with much more grace! You can learn to understand your own workplace needs and how to draw on them to reduce workplace stress and increase workplace grace.
Howard Murray, a psychologist in the 1930’s, found that our personalities have specific psychological needs. He called them psychological values, that when met, help us feel psychologically grounded.
Two psychologists from St. Paul have taken his work and narrowed down the most common of the needs found in the workplace. They have developed a tool to measure those values or needs. It shows how strong each workplace need is for individuals who take the questionnaire called ADW-Profile (A Deeper Way).
With the results from the questionnaire you can order your world and workplace, as much as possible, to feel grounded. When you know these needs, it allows you to be more intentional in getting what you need in the face of change. It allows you to not get knocked down, at least not as easily. And it helps you gracefully get up a bit faster when you do get knocked down. Finally, it helps you understand how to better provide grace to coworkers and those you lead who are feeling stressed and unstable.
The ADW-Profile System measures 5 workplace needs/psychological values:
- Information
- Connection
- Ambition
- Acknowledgment
- Certainty
Here is how this works for me while working with the stress of a pandemic. As you read my examples, I suggest you reflect on your own needs.
Information – I have a higher need for information on the surface. I need to know the right research when I am writing and teaching. But at the end of the day, on most things, I just don’t need it. Not knowing the daily COVID-19 data is totally fine with me. In fact, I would rather not know.
Connection – I need connection. I have upped the time I spend with scheduled calls with friends and colleagues. I miss meeting with clients in person. I actually love Zoom calls so I can continue doing my coaching calls and meet with clients even if not in person.
Ambition – Get ‘er done! That is my motto. At the beginning of the Covid-19 pandemic, I was getting so much done I was in heaven. Then my ‘to do’ list changed in such a way that it was harder to feel a sense of accomplishment. I was making videos and had no idea how to tackle that job. It was slow. I felt stressed at not getting enough accomplished in a day. I no longer felt I was on stable ground psychologically.
Acknowledgment – I am a speaker. I cannot lie. I love the acknowledgment of touching someone’s heart in a speech, motivating people, and teaching tools that provide a new and positive way forward.
Certainty – For me, to have the need of certainty met depends on so many factors. A discussion about future plans would actually be best. Which brings us to an important point. Each of these needs are very individual in how they are defined. They are not logical; they are a felt sense. Each person might have a slightly different way of how to best meet that need. More often than not, a conversation is in order to really learn about a person’s needs.
When we are aware of our psychological needs our brilliance is sure to shine. I encourage you to think about your workplace needs. Think about those you lead and work with. Maybe they have a need for connection, but that is not a high need for you personally. Do you walk away and say, “Huh, that’s weird”? Or do you offer some grace and understanding? Do you listen for how you can help them find solid ground through connection or any of the workplace needs?
When you do this exploration and gain awareness of your needs, your workplace is sure to be filled with grace that offers the stability to think, create, and relate brilliantly!
Here’s to workplace grace!