Thinking clearly and staying calm in stressful confrontations is a rarity. Often the best antidote for calming the air is open, honest communication—in other words, not ignoring the situation and wishing it were different.
If we can manage open, honest communication, life can be much more productive and peaceful.
Let me explain.
Airports are one of those places that seem filled with stressful situations. There are all kinds of reasons we may behave badly while traveling, but in the end the main reason is usually that we are tired and just want to be home—or at our final destination—sooner rather than later. We have set up in our minds an ideal that simply isn’t reality, and we are disappointed.
Recently I was on a long flight to London that had already been delayed by several hours. I hadn’t flown internationally for a while, so I was a bit nervous. To my dismay, my seatmate took up all of his seat and some of mine. I was not happy. Nine hours in an already small space, and now I was giving up even more to a stranger. I was feeling so stressed I had almost stopped breathing.
It was at this moment—maybe my blue face prompted it—that the kind gentleman reached out his hand to introduce himself and asked if the seating arrangement was going to be all right for me. He was so courteous and gracious. The key, however, was that instead of ignoring the situation, he opened a dialogue to see how I felt. I couldn’t believe it. Instead of making it worse, I totally calmed down and had a spatially tight, but emotionally comforting, flight to London that night.
Why?
Because a person started a dialogue with an open, honest conversation. He had the decency to talk about a potentially uncomfortable situation without judgment.
Six key points to calm the air:
- Breathe deeply. Move (maybe take a walk) and do a short meditation.
- Name it to tame it (Dr. Daniel Siegel). Name what you are feeling and what is—or is not—happening that you wish were different.
- Use gracious words. “Call out” what you see happening, in a kind way.
- Be aware of your tone of voice. Be genuine—not too harsh, and not fake either.
- Ask a question. How is the situation affecting you?
- Listen to the answer. Stay open and nonjudgmental about the feelings and meaning the others involved have placed on the situation.
Next time you find yourself in a stressful situation with others, try an open, honest conversation that can calm the air and move things toward peace and a productive result. Let your brilliance shine with open, honest communication.