Thinking clear and staying calm in stressful confrontations is a rarity. Often the best antidote for calming the air is open, honest communication. In other words, not ignoring the situation and wishing it was different.
If we can accomplish open, honest communication, life can be much more productive and peaceful.
Let me explain.
Airports are one of those places that seem to be filled with plenty of stressful situations. There are all kinds of reasons we may behave badly while traveling, but in the end, the main reason is usually that we are tired and just want to be home or at our final destination sooner than later. We have set up in our mind an ideal that just isn’t reality and we are disappointed.
Recently I was on a long flight to London that had already been delayed by several hours. I hadn’t flown internationally for a while, so I was a bit nervous. To my dismay, my seatmate took up all of his seat and some of mine. I was not happy! Nine hours in an already small space and now I am giving up even more to a stranger. I was feeling stressed, so stressed that I had almost stopped breathing.
It was at this time, maybe my blue face prompted it, the kind gentleman reached out his hand to introduce himself and asked if the seating arrangement was going to be okay for me. He was so courteous and gracious! The key was instead of ignoring the situation, he opened up dialogue to see how I felt. I couldn’t believe it. Instead of making it worse, I totally calmed down and had a spatially tight, but very emotionally comforting flight to London that night.
Why?
Because a person started a dialogue with an open, honest conversation. He had the decency to talk about a potentially uncomfortable situation without judgment.
Six key ways to help calm the air:
- Breathe deeply – move (maybe take a walk) and do a short meditation
- Name it to Tame it (coined by Dr. Daniel Siegel) – name what you are feeling and what is or is not happening that you wish was different
- Use gracious words – “call out” what you see is happening in a kind way
- Be aware of your tone of voice – genuine, not too harsh, but not “fake” either
- Ask a question – how is the situation impacting you?
- Listen to the answer – be open, non-judgmental about the feelings and meaning the others involved have placed onto the situation
Next time you find yourself in a stressful situation with others, try an open, honest conversation that can calm the air and move the situation to peace and a productive result. Let your brilliance shine with honest open communication!