Devil’s advocate, critical fault-finder, realist, or simply providing important feedback.

Whatever you want to call it – it’s not fun to be around for long periods of time! It’s easy to complain when you’re doing the whining, however, it’s annoying when you’re the one listening to the chronic complaints.

This weekend I was in an assisted living complex and noticed that it was enjoyable being around the residents and staff who saw the lighter side of things rather than the dark, doom and gloom side. Both exist. It’s your choice on which side you want to reside.

The same is true at work or anywhere for that matter.

So, how can you move from the resident crab to the positive person people want to be around?

  1. Analyze what is wrong and what can be fixed – then fix it! What about the things out of your control, the things you do not directly have an impact on to fix? Use the next 5 steps to LET IT GO!
  2. Vent to one person – not 10! Experts suggest venting is good but telling the same sad story to several people will actually start having negative effects. Venting is much like a tea kettle on a burner, after it begins to whistle, you know it’s time to get it off the burner. After one complaint or venting session, it’s time to get off the burner and fix the problem.
  3. Reflect on your values. Chances are when you are irritated and find yourself wanting to complain, it means a tightly held value has been violated. For instance, if you do not like the decision made by your boss, it very likely that something within the decision flies in the face of your values. Walk the timeline backward until you are able to identify the point of irritation. Once you have an understanding of where the angst comes from, you can make an intelligent decision as to what to do about it.
  4. Find the humor in the situation. Usually, there is at least one thing that you can laugh about to lighten your mood. Take it from Joan Rivers, who had a thing or two worthy of grumbling about throughout her lifetime, “if you laugh at it, you can deal with it.”
  5. Be Grateful. The act of gratefulness, according to Robert Emmons, a scientific expert on gratefulness, means to affirm that there are good things in the world and to “recognize that the sources of this goodness are outside of ourselves.” So say “thank you” to someone and/or make a list of things, people and events for which you are thankful. Research indicates that when you are grateful your body will reap both mental and physical benefits.
  6. Give a compliment. Take a page out of the Minnesota Golden Gophers Head Football coach, P.J. Fleck’s “playbook” after his team’s loss to Nebraska last month, “These guys are really good coaches . . . . That’s how you do it as a coach. I got outcoached.” He gave a compliment and didn’t give excuses.

This past week, Fleck and his team captured the “Paul Bunyan Axe” back from the Wisconsin Badgers. A feat the Gophers have not accomplished since 2003. Maybe Fleck’s positive thinking and non-complaining are what helped his team meet success. I say join the Golden Gophers and stop the chronic complaining and let your brilliance shine.